Motherhood

So before motherhood, I watched other moms and would chuckle on occasion about the way they did things or dealt with things. I knew that's just how moms were, but at the same time I imagined I would be different. Ha, was I wrong!

One thing I was sure I'd never do was leave the house with spit-up or drool on my shirt, if I could in any way help it. Well, sad to say, I certainly do that now--on my shirt, on my jeans, etc. Luckily, I found out that it isn't really noticeable after it dries. Sure, I know it's there, but others can't really see it. Ok, maybe if they look really hard, they might be able to tell. But what's the point of putting on a new shirt if it's just going to get drooled on or spit-up on later? Especially if you're just meeting up with close friends who love you anyway or popping into the grocery store for a few minutes. Really, you're just too tired to care and you have way more important things to think about! Those of you without kids laugh, but just wait!

On Friday night, Jeff and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary by going to the mall and seeing The Avengers. We had a great time, and we feel so blessed to have each other! Of course this date night meant that we had to find someone to watch Kyla. (We had only spent one other night out by ourselves when Jeff's parents were in town.) We asked some dear friends to watch her, and they graciously agreed!

And here comes the part I never thought I'd do: give so many instructions about Kyla (who is a very easy baby, mind you) that my hubby laughed (all in good fun, of course) and then worry about her the entire time. Leaving her was way more difficult than I thought it would be. And in no way was my worry a reflection on the friends who were watching her--they were more than capable of keeping her safe and happy. It was just that I know Kyla so well--how she likes to be rocked to sleep, what to try if she isn't drinking her bottle, what to do if she gets fussy, how to tell if she's tired, what songs she likes to hear and what games she likes to play, etc. And I just couldn't stop thinking about her--was she doing OK, did she eat good, was she able to get to sleep, did she have fun? I was eventually able to relax and at least enjoy the evening (with one eye on the cell phone in case of any calls/texts from our friends).

Oh my stolen heart!

A Day Representing Hope

What an incredible weekend! I was finally able to celebrate my first Mother's Day, something I have longed for for numerous years. I got a pedicure on Friday, bought a jogging stroller, went to a food truck festival (yum!), got my hair cut (doesn't sound exciting but it always makes me feel better), celebrated Mother's Day at church with Kyla, enjoyed not cooking or cleaning (thanks Jeff!), and received flowers, gifts, and chocolate-covered strawberries (my favorite). Jeff even took a few days off last week to help us get some things done around the house, which also made us feel really good and productive.


But what truly made it special was, of course, Kyla. I always had faith that I would someday celebrate being a mom; I knew God had given me a love for kids for a reason. But I wasn't sure when I would get to enjoy this special title. Yet I clung to the hope that God was in control, that He knew what He was doing, that He would bring joy out of the struggle. And He did, and I wouldn't want anything different!

A verse that really stuck with me is Romans 15:13: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

And just the other day I heard this song on the radio, one that I have heard numerous times over the past few years that really spoke to me, reiterating that I will trust in God, regardless of whether I'm in good times or not-so-good. Yet I'm so very thankful I'm in those good times right now! 

Oh, God of heaven come and hem me in  

Gather the pieces that are broken  

Show me the wonder of You again  

Oh, God of heaven
 

God of my hope, God of my need  

God of my pain that no one else will ever see  

God of my healing, God of my strength  

God who has always and will forever reign  

God of my everything
 

In all creation You call my name  

In all the beauty that this world displays  

Still I'm the one for whom Your heart aches  

In all creation  

And when the mountains shake  

You are my God, You never change  

And when the earth gives way  

You are still God, You never change

 
God of my hope, God of my need  

God of my pain that no one else will ever see  

God of my healing, God of my strength  

God who has always and will forever reign  

God of my everything 

("God of My Everything" by Bebo Norman) 

Bonding

Not sure where the last two weeks went since the last post, but May is here already! We have had a busy couple of weeks with meetings at our adoption agency, visiting Danielle, and just trying to keep up with things around the house--quite a lot considering how busy Kyla keeps us! At any rate, here are a few photos from the last two weeks.

I've been wanting to address a question someone asked me recently. (We like questions, and I hope to talk about more of them here so that the entire adoption process is more understood!) I was talking with a friend and she asked if we had any difficulty bonding with Kyla--an honest question that I think others may have. I'm sure at one point when considering adoption we probably thought about that too. Considering how fast everything happened for us, it's easy to think that it might take a while to bond with her. And in any adoption, given that you don't have the 9 months while the baby is growing inside you, watching him/her on the sonogram, and feeling the baby kick, it's only natural to wonder how you might bond with the baby when he/she arrives.

For us, our bonding started during the 2 1/2 years we were trying to conceive as we prayed for the life we believed God would bring us someday (which He did in His own wonderful way!). We bonded as we imagined what it would be like to care for our baby, as we dreamed of decorating a nursery, as we thought of all the fun things we'd get to do with a child, like taking him/her to the zoo and watching him/her ride a bike for the first time. Then, a bit more concretely, we began bonding specifically with Kyla from the moment we met Danielle, the birthmom, through the next few weeks as we registered for baby items, painted the nursery, and jumped at every phone call wondering if Danielle was calling to say she was in labor. And the moment we laid eyes on Kyla at the hospital, our hearts were completely captured. It was so difficult to tear our eyes away from that nursery window or give her back to the nurses while we got some much-needed sleep.


So I would say we have not had any difficulty bonding with her. We just bonded over a much shorter time frame than the typical parent. I don't want to imply this is the case in all adoptions (nor, as I've read, is it always the case with biological parents who may not instantly connect with their newborn), but this was our experience. Hope this sheds a little light on the subject!